Stage Parents
Advice from infamous moms.
Happy daylight savings, friends:
As of writing, a trade war is brewing, and a recession is on the horizon, and so I thought it would be a good time to discuss…
Stage Parents!
Everyone who voted for Trump wanted a Daddy to come and fix things, but the problem with many parents is they don’t necessarily have your best interests at heart. Sometimes they’re narcissists who didn’t get enough love as a baby, so they make their children (and the rest of the world!) pay for it with bossiness, temper tantrums, and decisions that only benefit them (and their Russian oligarch friends!)
Every good stage mom or daddy worth a grain of salt believes that everyone else is an extension of themselves, and their children’s deep psychological issues are worth it in exchange for their own fame and fortune. The most important thing is to stay in the limelight at all costs, which Trump succeeds at in spades.
Ask any ACoN, and they’ll tell you there’s no preventing a narcissist’s rage spiral. No amount of people pleasing, self-blame, or “going along to get along” will protect you (I’m looking at you, Marco Rubio!). A complete narcissist does not believe the rules apply to them, and they’re willing to do what it takes to get what they want, whether that means getting their child on stage or muzzling dissenters.
The term “stage parent” conjures up an overbearing mom pushing their child toward the limelight whether the kid wants it or not. Sometimes, they can be fiercely devoted advocates, protecting young performers from the Hollywood hellscape. Other times, they’re cautionary tales of toxic ambition that leave a wake of destruction and chaos behind them.
Let’s get into it!
Gypsy
Perhaps one of the most iconic stage moms of all of theater is Mama Rose, portrayed in the Sondheim musical, Gypsy. (Its current Broadway revival is named Audra Gypsy because it’s starring the 6-time Tony Award winning Audra McDonald.) Based on the real-life Rose Hovick, mother of famed burlesque star Gypsy Rose Lee and actress June Havoc, she is a relentless force driving her daughters toward stardom with single-minded determination. I saw it over the weekend with my son, gleefully enjoyed her gaslighting in blurring the lines between self-sacrifice and self-interest— as she pushes her daughter into stripping when that’s the only spotlight left for her.
I’m Glad My Mother Died
Jeanette McCurdy was a Nickelodeon star in the show iCarly, which I can safely say I have never seen before. But this raw, darkly humorous memoir about her tumultuous relationship with her abusive stage mother is not only for fans of her acting. McCurdy shares her experience growing up in the entertainment industry, detailing the intense pressure her mother placed on her to suceed, as well as the emotional and physical toll it took. From manipulation, control and the joys of disordered eating, McCurdy’s storytelling sheds light on the dark side of child stardom. But (spoiler alert!) it ends when her mother dies, and McCurdy is able to pick up the pieces and heal.
SNL Stage Parents Skit
This is only so funny because of how true it is. If you’ve spent any time in children’s theater, as I have, you will see parents who have rehearsed scenes to death with their children mouthing the words and miming the blocking. I can only imagine what happens in tiny tots dance classes. As a parent of a performing child, this is my worst nightmare!
Who’s your favorite Stage Parent? Lohan? Kardashian? Jackson? Leave a comment!
See you next time— bye!
but that's not us....RIGHT?
😬